au naturel

November 24, 2005

; Thursday

Mingaw nakos Pinas. Ganahan na ko muoli. Mingaw nko nila Momy, ni Dady, ni Badj, nya ni Lara. Mingaw na pud ayo ko ni Junex. Mingaw na ko sa balay, sa Dumaguete, sa tanan. Unya, hapit na Krismas, daun wala ko diha. Pangit man Pasko diri. Dili man nako ma-feel. Dili pareho didtos Pinas na Agosto pa gani, naa na ang Pasko-feeling. Naa na Krismas Lights ug Krismas songs. Excited na tanan! Ngee! Diri kay Krismas daw kay naa man daw snow. Mao naa sila Krismas tungod sa snow…

Naa naman nua sila Krismas Tree, pero wala angay. Dekorasyon ra, nya nay belen2 nila, walay Jesus. Yuck! Celebrate sila Krismas nya dili man gani sila Kristiyano. Dagkog mga buot! Mangutana pa naman unsa daw ang Krismas sa Pinas kay wala man daw snow didto?! Leche! Mura man ug ang snow gadala ug Pasko. Wala man gani sila kabalo ngano naay Pasko in the first place. Hmmf!!

In fairness, kabalo man nua ta na apas sa mga tawo kung Pasko kay ang regalo. Hehe. Bitaw, tinuod bitaw. Agosto pa gani mangayog nag pinaskuhan. Unya ang una masulod sa utok kung mu-ingon Pasko kay ang kaon, ang lingaw, ang shotings, ang mga regalo, ug unsa pang uban dha… mao jud na, dili daun mahunahunaan ang hinungdan nganong ga-celebrate tag Pasko. Pero, dili man jud pud nua na maiwasan. Pero, maski na ba… mahunahunaan man jud gihapon nato ngano ta ga-celebrate ug Pasko, dba?!

Lain kaayo diri. Pangit. Walay lami. Walay angay.

Pasaylua ko gayawyaw ko ha… gimingaw man gud kos Pinas. Lahi ra jud. Mingaw ako Pasko. Kaiyakon na ko… wlay lami. Ganahan na ko muoli. Pero February pa man ko muoli beh… duol naman nua. Pero lain ako Pasko… wala Noche Buena. Wala hamonada ni Dady. Wala pansit ug biko ni Yaya. Wala cake ni Momy. Wala tanan. Hilak na ko. Wala si Lara samok2. Wala si Badj ka-tabi. Wala luto ni MamaTela. Wala tabi ni PapaNonie. Wala sila Nini, Chumpoy, Melot, Ted na kadula… Wala tanan. Walay lami…

Dayun, diri walay adobo, sinigang, inihaw, lechon, halo-halo, mango shake, lechon kawali, menudo, kaldereta, steak ug pakbet ni Yaya, paklay, tempura ni bosing, JP’s sa Manga, leche flan, Chicken Joy, hamonada ni Dady, sunny side up ni Junex, Greenwich, cheese bread sa Caf, utan lanka, Mr Chips, Tostillas, Lucky Me Hot Chili pancit canton, mami, batchoy, balot, lumpiang shanghai, lumpia nga normal, turon, bananacue, BigMak, Manang Siony’s, Rosante’s, Scooby’s, pastillas, biti sa Carigara, budbud, moron sa Leyte, sinugbang isda na isawsaw ug suka nga naay ahos.

Muoli nako! :’(

i just checked out a friend’s profile earlier. she just had a baby.. and another friend mailed me about a week ago about her new baby.. her baby was adorable.. hmmm.. im also on the verge of wanting one nowadays.. ive been giving it a lot of thought lately.. and im serious!

din2 freaked out when i emailed her about it. hah! well, i wasn’t joking. and i’ve always wanted a baby by 25, and my plan includes adopting one if i don’t get pregnant a month before my 26th birthday. i just don’t know if that will be realized; it will all depend on the situation by then. nevertheless, my plans are usually realized in one way or another. im keeping my fingers and shoelaces crossed for now.

listen to me — i talk about it as if i want another pair of shoes or maybe a new bag. wahaha! i need a reality check somewhere.. okay! i’ll be knocking my head, telling myself this line: "Verna, try taking care of your 2yr-old sister for four straight weeks, let’s see what you’ll think after that. "

over and over…

"Verna, try taking care of your 2yr-old sister for four straight weeks, let’s see what you’ll think after that. "

and over..

"Verna, try taking care of your 2yr-old sister for four straight weeks, let’s see what you’ll think after that. "

and over..

"Verna, try taking care of your 2yr-old sister for four straight weeks, let’s see what you’ll think after that. "

will that do? it’s not convincing me out of my thought though. it’s making me want a baby of my own more and more. *sigh!*

hmmmmm.. maybe, i just miss my sister’s hype so much, especially that i dont get to be around her that much. and she’s growing so fast.. i would say that we aren’t as close as i would have wanted, since we only see each other about 3x a year during breaks. she talks to me a lot on the phone though, telling me to come home and bring her a new doll or a new toy.

one time, when i got home for Christmas? or was it sembreak? forgot.. she didn’t come near me.. but when i got my fone, and made a mock fone call with her, that was the time that she realized twas me. *smiles*  she’s so cute..

i left last march, exactly a month before her 2nd birthday.. and i’ll be going home also a month before her 3rd. i just wonder how big she has grown.. hehe.. i wonder if she’ll come near me when i arrive.. again, she talks to me a lot on the phone, muttering "ate, uli na!" *grins*

she never fails to amaze me every time i go home.. when i first left, she was this little angel who can barely open her eyes, then when i came back she can sit already and utter "daddy&mommy".. the next time i went back home, she can already make little steps, and can say little phrases.. then next time i went home again, she was already running - demanding for a balloon!! i just wonder what surprise awaits my return this time… haha! i cant wait!!

well.. hang on tight! 4 more months to go, and i’ll get to hug my not-so-little brother and baby sister again!!!

***okay.. my thoughts have finally settled to one conclusion — i miss my baby sister. i will have to wait for my time to make one.. besides i have a lot of babies to cherish around me - my friends’ babies, my cousins’ babies, my godchildren! *grins!* the latter is actually growing in numbers that i might find myself broke by Christmas, or when i get home. *sigh*

I gather inspiration from the river that flows inside the flesh. The awareness that it bestowed me life makes me more attached and devoted to its purpose. Its incessant flow should never be confounded. It deserves to be seen and appreciated. Its hue which denotes the peak of life and health - such vibrance… It envigorates me, as i feel it circulate around my body. As i breathe, the gush propelled by the beating of my heart surges up my brain — supplying it with life.

It merits an unveiling. Such that is for everyone to see and ponder on. Such that will bring forth the appreciation it deserves.

"Gory!"
"Disgusting!"
"Horrid!"

Words that people associate with such phenomena that reveals its flow. How would a being survive with its absence? I wonder.

It’s time to meet the one that sustains you.

*"Bloody Thoughts" -2005.10.19-