Heading for the Bait?
You adore me still, I know. I can see it in your eyes. And I still care for you.
The thought of having you again lulled my senses into a cloudy euphoria. It’s something that rocks me into a meaningful smile; something that I’d treasure as long as the erratic forever lasts; it’s something that I’ve always wanted to have all over again. It’s something that I’ve been trying to look for in the guy’s I’ve been with, but couldn’t.
Yet, as these mind-blinding thoughts tickle my appetite, something drags me back to where I stand right now — and I’m reminded of all the things that brought me here. All the tears I’ve cried seem to flow back to the opposite direction; they are now back swelling underneath my lids. And I couldn’t stop them from falling — I couldn’t even explain why they are still there.
You asked why I’m crying? I tried to figure out the answer, but I couldn’t. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. And I’m hating every single second that ticks, because it betrays everything that I have put up front. I’m not making a point, and I hate the fact that you have the ability to make me vulnerable.
I just realized that what Celine said in "Before Sunset" is very much for real. She said that in relationships, she can never fully get over a person, because something from that person stays inside your heart. Especially that being with that person molded you somehow into the person that you have become.
And that fact slapped me right across the face. I’m not over you, and I don’t know if I ever will. You have a lot of things to do with how and why I’m this person right now.
But the big question that dangles right in front of me is — am I heading for the same hurt that I tried so hard to get over with?
<Incubus’ Love Hurts playing in my ears. Is it really a good hurt?>
